I was gang rape conceived. Because the world doesn’t understand people like me and our mothers I wrote a song as a plea to the world. Perhaps music will touch deeper than simple words.
Back in 2003 I learned of my conception. It was horrible how I was told. The social worker was contacted an hour before I arrived. She was in no way going to give information willingly but the court order in my hand persuaded her. I just couldn’t understand the unwarranted hostility. This was a religious organization after all.
After an hour of “chit chat” she tells me, “if you’re going to find your mother you need to know about the father!” Her tone took me off guard. The “father” really hadn’t entered my mind. “Why was she so tense,” I wondered. Then she leaned forward and spewed the words at me, “Your mother was RAPED!” It felt like a brick hit me straight in the face. My mind went blank.
The next thing I remember I was crying profusely sitting in my car. I have absolutely no memory of how I went from that office to the car. Voices in my head were compelling me to “slash my wrists and let all that nasty rapist’s blood flow out.” They went on to say God had nothing to do with my existence and no one really cared about me. I almost believed it. Being a follower of Christ kept me from killing myself.
Fifteen hours later I was getting music for another song I’d written. The woman started playing a song that sounded like men using and losing women. That sent me into an emotional breakdown and I yelled for her to shut it off. I put my head between my knees. Then I saw a vision of myself falling in a deep abyss. Deeper and deeper I went. Then the woman said, “Juda I don’t know what is going on but God knew you before you were every created”
At that moment in the vision I saw a hand reach down and grab my arm. In this vision I was jerked up into a brilliant light. I opened my eyes and lifting my head I said to the woman “I believe it.” From that moment on I stood strong in the fact that I was created by the Creator of the universe on purpose with purpose.
Sadly I would learn the hard way that the majority of people in the world do not believe my life has value. Every time the topic of abortion comes up the first question that is asked is “what about in cases of rape?” Why does that make a difference? Why aren’t people asking about punishment for the rapist? Why aren’t they asking the victims who are pregnant how they feel? What about asking children conceived in rape if they want to live! Of course we do but the world makes it unbelievably hard.
It’s incomprehensible how ministers would say abortion is “acceptable in cases of rape.”
Does God make mistakes? Emphatically NO!
I met my mother in 2005. She was strong in her fight to save my life in her womb in 1956 and then in 1957 when I was born. Her parents wanted me dead. Her doctor told her, “I’ll take care of it,” to which she sternly replied, “You will not take care of ‘it’, ‘it” is MY baby!” The love I saw in my mother’s eyes was unlike any other love I’ve ever experienced. And I’ve been loved by parents, husband, children, friends, other family and colleagues. Nothing compares to what I saw in my mother’s eyes. She held a picture of me for 48 years after she placed me for adoption. She was forced to place me for adoption to keep me from her parents. That’s not what society thinks is it? Society thinks that child reminds her of the rapist. But my mother looked at that picture every day praying I would return to her.
It’s so hard for mothers of rape conceived to hear the constant dehumanization of their children. Mothers, including my own, have said over and over that their children saved their life and gave them reason to live.
Mothers are told her child will remind her of the rapist. But it’s not the child that reminds her of the rapist it’s society. Mothers feel joy like any other mother when she holds her baby. It makes no sense to focus on the execution of an innocent baby, when the rapist if convicted, will not be executed. When will mothers and children live free of the hate speech?
My heart breaks for those having to make that journey through pregnancy defending their choice and love to the world. Family, doctors and the general public don’t believe she was raped if she loves her baby.
I’ve heard people tell me to my face I should have been aborted. Why? What did I do to deserve that from someone who doesn’t even know me?
Many of my peers are saving lives in many ways. Firefighter, Life Coach, Biological Chemist, Humanitarian, Doctors, Ministers all have a mission to save people. I know rape conceived in each category mentioned. We need you but you need us too. The words in my song are pleading for acceptance.
My song, We Are Human, is a plea to the world to show us kindness. We want to be accepted into humanity just like any other human.
The video that goes with the song is below. The still photos in the video are actual rape conceived people, human just like you. Please watch and share while I pray that one day the rape conceived and our mothers will not have to justify our existence. You can purchase here and all proceeds will go to helping moms pregnant after rape.
Juda Myers Founder of Choices4Life
Speaker, Singer/songwriter, author, wife, mother, grandmother