Minnesota Rapist Rights: Rapist Wants Termination of Rights But Judge Refuses
Yes that’s correct. In Minnesota last week a judge refused to allow a rapist to terminate his parental rights.
Let’s start from the beginning. Mary was seeing a man for a couple of months and she had stated she did not want to have sex in her relationship with him. But he didn’t keep his promise and drugged and raped her. Confused as to why she couldn’t remember what had happened he told her she had been drinking. She had no memory of drinking either. But what she did know is that she felt violated. She knew something was very wrong. She stopped seeing the man but didn’t report anything to the police. She was too scared.
When she finally went to the doctor in the weeks following the incident she learned she was pregnant. There was no other explanation except for that day she couldn’t remember. It took her doctor talking with her to make Mary understand this was rape and nothing less. Many females are confused about what rape is. It’s very simply when sex without consent.
She had stopped seeing him but Mary messaged the rapist saying I’ve got to tell you something very important.” To her surprise the rapist was excited and said “I think I know what it is …you’re pregnant!” Not only did he rape her but was happy she was pregnant. He told everyone and even went on to say they were engaged. Mary was horrified. Her family was not supportive and told her she was very irresponsible for getting pregnant. When she said she had no choice in the matter they said that was nonsense because she was seeing the man. This only added to Mary’s trauma.
She avoided the rapist. Though she felt very angry there was nothing Mary could do. An attorney told her that being pregnant didn’t prove anything except that she had intercourse! No one seemed to care that she was raped. When it came time to give birth however the hospital did their best to keep her protected, allowing her to sign in on another name. Mary, though feeling trapped and forced to carry this child fell in love with her son.
“From the moment his skin touched mine, I fell in love with him.” Her son was born with issues that required him to be transferred to another hospital for treatment. With a bill of $80,000 and no insurance Mary sought government help. At that point she was asked about child support. Though she said she was raped it mattered not to them. By this time Mary was thinking that he should at least have to pay financially for what he did.
She had to appear in court alone. No family or friends were present but she did have a public defender. She told the attorney that she had been raped and the attorney said “That’s irrelevant.” Mary went into a panic attack, shaking and terrified when the rapist came into the room but no one seemed to care. She couldn’t even look at him. Mary had been through this same court in another child support case with her ex who is the father of her oldest child. She remembers the same judge throwing the book at her ex who she says “was 18, working 40-60 hours and going to school too.” He had to pay thousands but it was quite different with the rapist. The rapist was treated like a man of honor.
Mary’s public defender literally said “What is he comfortable paying?” So they throw the book at a guy who wants to support his child but special privileges are given to a rapist? The public defender wanted to apply the minimum of $50 a month to a man who is making more money in his 30s and a rapist. The amount was calculated around $300 but the rapist was told to only pay $200 a month. When Mary wanted to challenge that she was told he would come back and file for custody. So what happened is legal blackmail. If Mary didn’t reduce the price she would probably lose partial custody to her rapist. So she succumbed.
The rapist said he would relinquish all his parental rights but the public defender said there was no way a judge would allow that unless the child would be adopted. Mary suddenly got hopeful. Her ex loved her son and would be willing to adopt him. But once again she was shot down by the public defender that only if she were married to the man could that happen. Mary’s heart was ripped hearing the judge call the rapist her son’s father. The judge at the end of the hearing asked the rapist what were his plans for seeing his son. When the rapist said he had none the judge surprisingly “Oh, Okay.” The judge also told the rapist that he can file at any time in the future for custody. Mary’s attorney told her that the rapist told his attorney “I’m not mentally capable of custody.” But the judge in Minnesota would be happy to give it to him.
Mary’s rights were violated yet she received no justice. In fact what she did receive was humiliation and condemnation. Rape is the only case where the victim is interrogated, humiliated, not believed, evidence ignored and the criminal is defended and even encouraged to continue. Women are praying for a day that they will be believed and protected and that their children conceived in rape won’t have to spend any time with the rapist. CHOICES4LIFE believes women and does everything to help them through the difficult time after rape and throughout their life when the need arises. Hope After Rape Conception has been instrumental in changing laws that allow rapists to have ” parental rights.” From 31 down to 24 states rapist’s rights are slowly being eliminated.
Click here to hear the full interview with Mary.
8 thoughts on “Minnesota Rapist Rights: Rapist Wants Termination of Rights But Judge Refuses”
ary’s story is REAL. I feel her pain. And I have lived a similar experience.
I live in Minnesota – I have been involved in family court proceedings in Hennepin County – my experience also is that family court judges, Guardian ad Litems ignore, dismiss or cover up allegations of abuse, and will work to give custody to an abusive, unfit parent. I was homeless as a direct result of domestic violence, with two young children. Both of my children were victims of abuse. One of my children suffered from severe PTSD and had to be hospitalized. To my horror – the family court encouraged and enabled this man, who had over a dozen documented abuse allegations against him, to seek sole custody. I was told I was wrong to raise concerns, wrong to get help for my family, and wrong to be in an address confidentiality program for abuse victims. I lost custody through a series of unjust, horrific court actions. I could not afford an attorney and was forced to represent myself, not knowing the law, and not knowing my rights. Abuse continued after the abuser won sole custody – my children have come home with bruises, scratches, a bite mark… tears. My children suffer from severe emotional problems. One of my children revealed inappropriate behavior when grandma (a foster mother!) left her in the care of a boyfriend. The court REFUSES to intervene to protect my children. I went from being a stay at home mother to barely getting any visitation at all… Only God has kept me strong through all of this. I will never stop fighting to keep my children safe, and to bring them home. xo
I’m so so sorry you were a victim. This happens so many times. And parents either don’t have the money or the boldness to fight them. I wish there were a way to file a lawsuit against these people who ruin kids’ lives. Stay strong in the Lord. You are not alone.
None of this makes sense to me, in the state I live in there’s different scenarios that could take place. 1. the woman go to the local dept of human service dept and apply for cash, medical, food stamps for her and her children, tell them what happen and they would grant her “Good Cause” which means she wouldn’t have to pursue the child support and she’d receive her TANF benefits from the state Or # 2 the woman go to the local dept of human service dept and apply for TANF BENEFITS for her and her children, tell them what happen and then go to her local child support office and file for Paternity to be established 1st and most important thing to have done for the child, after paternity is established either by DNA testing or the absent father signing the Acknowledgment of Paternity for said child. Once this is done and he’s found to be the father, then a support order is entered for said child based on both the father and mothers’ incomes. Then he’d be issued a wage garnishment at his employer and arrearages set from original date of filing. In our state Custody and Child support are 2 separate issues.
What state do you live? There are 23 states that give rapists rights to the child.
This doesn’t make any sense. Why tell the rapist you are pregnant with his child and then demand for him to pay child support? Isn’t it suppose to be where you don’t want the rapist in the child’s life?
With working in domestic relations, of course the court is not going to believe her that she was raped since she had no police report to prove it and I don’t understand why she didn’t have the doctor report him for the rape so she had legitimate proof. If her ex boyfriend was paying thousands of dollars for child support, that would be enough for her to raise her two children.
It’s sad that this happened to her, but the story just doesn’t make any logical sense.
THAT is the biggest problem victims have. People don’t understand that they are too scared to report. They are always told they weren’t raped even by parents! She didn’t KNOW what happened because she was drugged. So she told him out of curiosity to see what he would say. “Legitimate proof”? Why is a victim treated like a criminal always. Trauma isn’t “logical.” It would be good for you to research how victims react to trauma and you will see that is far from uncommon.
The rapist was going to “get off” with no consequences and The government insisted on having the child support. So her only recourse was to make him pay child support. He intentionally raped her and wanted her pregnant why not make him pay. Why would you want another man to pay for the crime of a rapist? He wanted to adopt the child but the judge wouldn’t even let her ex do that.
This as you can see if you think about it is totally messed up. A woman should never be treated like this by courts or any other entity.
So essentially this woman does not want the child since the ex wants to adopt him?
Non of that is making any sense to me on why go and apply for child support from the rapist along with why the ex boyfriend is unable to get a signage of guardianship of the child. Why allow someone who traumatized you back into your life and know where you are at? She’s not a criminal, it’s just sad that she allowed a rapist to walk freely and allow him to do the same thing to other people.
I was raped and I understand the trauma, but I overcame it to get my rapist off the streets. A little girl came out of that horrible act and trust me the last thing on my mind is to ever see that individual ever again or have any involvement with him.
Marie the woman DOES want and LOVE her child. The rapist is NOT “in her life.” People handle trauma differently. And remember she was drugged and remembers nothing of the actual act of rape. She didn’t “allow” the rapist to go free the justice system did. NO ONE believed her. The courts will NOT allow anyone to adopt the child unless married to biological mother. She’s done all she can. The govt wouldn’t help her unless she filed for child support. She has a medical bill of $80,000 and was thinking of her child not that courts would keep the rapist in her life!